No one wants to see a loved one suffer. We always want to help the people we care about and protect them as much as we can, but if that person is struggling with addiction, our help may be doing more harm than good. It’s never easy to tell the difference between helping someone through a rough patch and enabling an addiction. Here are some ways to tell them apart.
Enabling
Enabling is really any sort of assistance that allows the addiction to continue. People struggling with addiction want this criteria to be murky so they can get you to help them. You may not even realize for a long time that helping someone out has enabled her addiction simply because she’s so good at hiding her addiction. Once you become aware of it though, don’t underestimate the lengths someone will go to to satisfy an addiction. The most obvious way of enabling someone is giving her money. Whatever compelling story someone gives you about why she needs the money, it’s almost certainly going to drugs and alcohol. If her own money already went to buy substances, what makes you think she’ll actually spend your money on rent? Giving someone money or anything that can easily be exchanged or sold is the surest way to enable an addiction. Paying someone’s rent or bills has much the same effect. She can’t exchange her paid rent for drugs, but it’s an expense she no longer has to worry about for the next month, allowing her to spend money she does get on drugs or alcohol. Another way of enabling someone is to make excuses. The classic example is when the husband is hungover and his wife calls his boss to say he’s sick. This also includes things like taking over someone’s responsibilities when she is out of action. This could be anything, like walking the dog, taking the kids to school, or cleaning the house. This might feel like you’re looking out for someone, but shielding her from the consequences of her addictive behavior is only going to let it continue. Perhaps the most destructive form of enabling is codependent behavior. This is where you habitually enable someone, usually a partner, and put her needs ahead of your own. You feel a sense of purpose in taking care of someone with an addiction, while the other person gets her basic needs met. It’s an arrangement that’s bad for both of you.
Helping
You can help by trying to get the person to quit using. This will typically take the form of showing concern and talking to her about her addiction. It’s important to not be critical or judgmental, but rather listen and try to understand. Let her know that you support her and you are concerned about her. If necessary, you may have to organize or participate in an intervention, where several people close to her show the evidence of her addiction and ask her to get treatment. This is best done under the guidance of an experienced intervention counselor. Another way you can help is to support her treatment in any way you can. That might mean watering the plants while she’s in residence or maybe even helping pay for treatment. You might drive her to appointments or participate in family therapy. These are all ways of moving in the right direction.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or mental illness, we can help. Recovery Ways is a premier drug and alcohol addiction treatment facility located in Salt Lake City, Utah. Our mission is to provide the most cost-effective, accessible substance abuse treatment to as many people as possible. Contact us online or call us today at 1-888-986-7848.
