For many of us struggling with addiction, our fears that our children are being affected by our addiction can be a major catalyst for us to finally get the help we need. We worry that our issues are adversely affecting our children, even when we try as hard as we can to keep them separate and away from them. We try to limit their exposure to our drinking, for example, in the hopes that they won’t know the extent of our problem. Our children are connected to us, though, and energetically they absorb everything we’re experiencing, even when they’re not consciously aware of it. How does addiction affect our children specifically? When we’re coping with addiction, our children can internalize our struggles and misinterpret them as being their fault. Children have a way of assuming the blame for their parents’ difficulties. It not uncommon for children to blame themselves when their parents get divorced or separated, for example. We have a way of taking the difficult experiences in our lives and personalizing them, even when they have nothing to do with us. Our subconscious programming tells us we’re to blame for our trauma. Children can see their parents suffering and wrongly take on the blame. Just like with divorce, addiction can make our children feel as though they’re not good enough. When we sustain a loss, trauma or other stressful event, we can allow it to make us believe that we’re inadequate. Our addiction can contribute to our children’s insecurity and feelings of unworthiness. We can start to see behaviors emerge from them that might not have been there before, such as increased anxiety, shyness or hesitation when before they might have been confident and well-adjusted. With difficult family situations such as addiction, our children can start to show signs of distress. They might exhibit what is sometimes referred to as a “cry for help,” where they’re trying to get our attention by acting out. They might misbehave, get in trouble at school, or display more attitude and rudeness with their family members. They might start to test boundaries to see what they can get away with, to try and get a reaction out of us. What we can interpret as their being disrespectful or having behavioral problems can be their way of trying to tell us they’re hurting. What they’re craving is support, but they’re often met with anger and discipline. Being mindful of the ways in which addiction affects our children can help us to know when they’ve been adversely affected by our challenges. Knowing our children are being impacted negatively can give us the push we need to reach out for help.
The treatment programs at Riverside Recovery include weekly family therapy and monthly family workshops. We’re here to help you and your family through this difficult journey. Call (800) 871-5440 today for more information.
